The Picture
How
many times have I looked at it?
I’ve
carried it around all these years,
The
edges are frayed and worn,
The
image is faded.
We
were so young once,
and
happy!
You
were so stunning in your uniform
I
wore my mother’s wedding dress,
something
borrowed, something blue.
We
never thought our
time
would stop.
As
I write this, I remember the songs from those carefree days:
“Seasons
in the Sun,”
“Slow
Dancing,”
“He
Stopped Loving Her Today.”
Tears
cascade onto the paperwork. They are joyful remembrances, not sorrow.
You
talked of coming back and being a rodeo star!
“Amarillo
by Morning” just finished playing. It takes my breath away.
When
I imagine you in a tight pair of wranglers and your worn cowboy hat.
My
God, you were so handsome !...and then you were called up.
We
put our lives on hold until you came back. But you didn’t. You couldn’t.
My
life was so empty until our son entered the world.
I
promised myself, he would know you, if only in spirit.
I
held many jobs and never regretted a one. They kept us fed, clothed and
sheltered
Times
were hard and some days I didn’t think I could go on, but I had to.
For
you, Jack Jr and myself.
God,
how I miss you!
When
James came into my life,
I
was scared to death.
Over
time he assured me
he
would accept me, Jack Jr and your memory into his house.
With
time, I slowly relaxed and let him bring down the walls I thought were
sheltering me from more hurt.
I
knew I was with the right man when he sat me and Jack Jr down,
“Jack,
would it be all right if I married your mom? But, before you answer,
would
you ask your dad too?”
I
must have sobbed for an hour when Jack beamed up and said
“Daddy
and I agree. You will make a great father to me and the best husband Mom could
find.”
Many
times our children, would catch me at the kitchen table, smoking a cigarette,
drinking a cup of coffee, cradling The
Picture and crying.
Seldom
did they intrude. Rather, they look to Jack and James for guidance and an
explanation. The reply was always the same, “Mother is having a moment. Give
her time and she’ll be back.”
“What
is she holding in her hands that makes her so sad?”
“Someday,
you’ll have to ask her. But not today.”
I
never let on I heard them talking about me
I
would pull myself together and place the photo back in
my
pocketbook and return to the present.
Twenty
years passed. We were as happy as a family could be. James and I supported them
in all their endeavors whether they be: sports, arts or academics.
James
planted a garden under my kitchen window, with different colored roses for each
family member. That lush purple one? That’s you.
The
day Jack Jr graduated from high school I was left breathless. When he walked
across the stage I saw him standing by your side smiling and then you looked up
and waved at me.
When
we came home I cried for an hour. Jack Jr. and James walked into the kitchen
and sat at the table. They both placed a hand on mine, holding The Picture.
Jack
squeezed my hand. “Mom, I felt him, too.”
I
sobbed uncontrollably. “James I’m so sorry. After all these years, it shouldn’t
affect me like this. I’m so sorry.”
He
wiped a few tears from my face; brushed a few tear-soaked strands of hair away,
then looked deep in my eyes. “Sweetheart, we all love you.”
I
tremble as the love of this man fills me with strength.
He
hasn’t replaced you, but he has planted a garden in my heart, once empty and
barren.
The
kids are all grown and have lives of their own. James passed a few years back,
but then I think you knew that.
I
see my life flash by, a lush garden that grew from love.
I
reach up, turn off the lamp, cradle your picture and take my final breath.
I’m
coming home.
copyright@2018 LDDJ Enterprises Publishing
