A few years back, I reunited with my high school sweetheart Debbie Beck Larson. She passed July 20th, 2009 from breast cancer. After she passed I asked her daughters if they'd like to add their thoughts to the book I was working on, Love's True Second Chance. The oldest did but the younger one wasn't quiet ready to express her feelings. Three years later she sat down and recounting what it would be like to grow without her mom. It's an excellent tribute.
Amanda Larson, 2013
It’s been three years.
Time goes by so quickly, it seems like.
I remember when it was one day, one month, one year.
Sometimes I think about it.
Sometimes I try not to.
Sometimes it’s hard to forget.
Sometimes I wish I could.
I miss her more than anything.
I miss seeing her – hearing her voice.
I don’t remember what her voice sounds like.
In fact, I hardly remember anything.
I don’t remember the way she smelled,
Or the way she talked,
Or the way she loved.
I forget sometimes – that she’s gone.
I talk about her in present tense.
I think about how old she should be every year on her birthday.
It isn’t fair that she got to leave me.
It isn’t fair that I’m here alone.
It isn’t fair, is it?
How can it be?
How could she leave me?
Surely she didn’t mean to.
Surely she didn’t want to.
Did she want to leave me?
Did she want to make me feel this way?
Did she care?
Did she have a choice?
I bet she didn’t have a choice.
I didn’t either.
I think of the things that we should do –
That other girls get to do with their mothers.
I can’t do those things.
I can’t be like them.
I’m positive that she would’ve wanted us to do those things.
She would’ve wanted us to have that time together,
But we can’t now.
She won’t see me at prom.
She won’t see me on my wedding day.
She won’t see my husband or kids,
All because she’s gone.
She may be gone, but she’ll never be forgotten.
I love you, Mom.
Copyright@2014 LDDJ Enterprises Publishing
You can find this poem and many others in Life's Spectrum: Military, Love, Loss