While I formulate and prepare for the upcoming vampire feast, I felt it appropriate to throw out a little humor for a week that has endured such tragic events: Boston and West,TX. It swells my heart with pride to see AMERICANS coming together in times of crisis. Despite our political, religious, or sexual preferences, AMERICANS are true force when faced with adversity. Now, how to we keep the momentum and put our differences aside? That is the question.

Okay, now for the humor. For those who know me, my failed abilities with modern technology have been well documented through the years. I never had a problem with a computer until I hit the "ON" button. Well, I've crossed that bridge with mild success. So, I decided to purchase a smart phone a few month back. Why? Because I like the square and voice recognition apps. I thought they'd be very helpful with sales and make it easier to communicate with people. Well, the first one is working out nicely. The second one? You be the judge.

It's official! I've entered the 21st century and modern technology. I learned how to use the voice message device. The salesman said it would take awhile before it would recognize my voice. It's working. I said, "Call Michelle Pfieffer." The phone started laughing. Thinking I misspoke, I tried again. "Call Britanny Spears." More laughter. Hmm. I turned it off thinking their might be a glitch in the system. You know how they tell us to reboot and that will fix the problem, right? Okay, one more time. "Call Rachel Welch." My request was met with silence. Let's try this one more time. "Call Rachel...." The phone turned off and rebooted on its own. I blankly stared at the screen as it completed the cycle. "Has Rod Serling made an unscheduled visit?" As I tried to complete my date night calls, the phone started laughing again and responded with laughter, "Mr. Dawson, we can only connect calls with a valid request. Oh, we're not sure what you're smoking in Dallas, but we suggest a new supplier." This was followed by two minutes of multiple laughing. I guess it has recognized my voice. Now, how do I get my money back? I hate modern technology.

Back to work.