Big changes are coming to the storied franchise in Irving, Texas. Follow the blog for updates on the release date.
CHAPTER 2
NEW OWNER
“This
is Skip Hansen, reporting live from Titans headquarters, in Irving. Two weeks
ago, “I” broke the story about the current owner, that Mr. Bum Reason was going
to sell the Titans to oilman/ billionaire Reuben Weitzman. Today, despite the
NFL not ratifying the deal until the owners convene for summer talks, Mr.
Weitzman has painted the logo of the Titans on his Gulfstream private jet.
Granted, it’s only a formality to ink the deal, but if they don’t ratify the
sale, the Titans will spin into oblivion. Mr. Reason has publicly stated, ‘he
can no longer be strapped with the team’s salaries and upkeep of the stadium.
If the NFL doesn’t approve the sale, then he will have no alternative but to
disband the organization.’ Folk, this can’t happen. Imagine not having football
on Sunday? The thought makes me shudder. Our team is one of the storied
franchises of the NFL. To let it lapse into bankruptcy and obscurity is
unfathomable! You, the fans, need to write as many letters as you can and call
those idiots in New York, demanding they approve the sale. Without football,
the entire metroplex will disappear from the sports pages. We will be known as
the team that was. For me, that’s unacceptable! People, rally your friends,
family and neighbors and let the NFL know, WE WANT FOOTBALL!”
“On
another note, my sources inside the Weitzman camp have warned me of wholesale
changes to the organization. My money is on a new quarterback. Jimmy Stone’s
day is done. I’m convinced, if Coach Osburn wasn’t running the team, Stone would
have been released years ago. He’s proven time and time again, he’s a decent
back-up, but not an everyday starter for the Titans. His picks match his
touchdown passes. Yes folks, it’s time for Mr. Weitzman to clean out the closet
and rebuild ‘our’ team.”
“This
is Skip Hansen signing off from Titan Headquarters.”
* *
*
“What
the fuck did that blow-hard say?”
“He
said, as have I, your days are numbered.”
“Numbered
my ass! If it weren’t for me, we’d have never had a winning season the last
four years. I can’t help it that the new guys can’t figure out the FLEX
defensive scheme or the offensive linemen draft picks couldn’t block a pack of
old ladies on walkers. Hell, it happens and I’m the one who’s been getting his
ass drilled week after week after week. It’s really hard to run a play when the
fucking defense is in the huddle eighty percent of the game!”
“Sugah,
you need to settle down. Ole Skip’s just spouting his daily oration. He’s gotta
pay the bills too. And if he doesn’t ease up on my Jimmy, well, let’s just
say…. ”
“What?”
“I’ll
be getting a new fur coat this winter.”
“Say
what?”
“For
the hearing impaired, I’ll be getting a new fur coat and maybe a real nice
necklace from Tiffany’s. You know the one you won’t buy me?”
“Darling,
that thing costs $50,000.”
“Yes
it does and I think it would look wonderful draped on my neck. Don’t you
agree?”
“Charlene,
anything to accentuate your neckline would be a waste of good money. Your double
D’s will swallow it up just like the rookies you prey on.”
Without
hesitation, she caught me with a quick backhand.
“Jimmy,
when are you going to appreciate my devotions to you?”
“When
you stop being the pass-around-pack of the NFL. Imagining you with old Mr.
Reason is an image I’d rather forget, and none too soon!”
Some
days I should keep my mouth shut. This time it wasn’t a back hand but a full
blown jab to my gut. I found myself laid out on the bed with her massive
breasts covering my face blocking off any chance of regaining my breath. And if
that wasn’t bad enough, her diamond necklace was being tattooed on my neck.
This isn’t going well.
“Jimmy
Stone. I’m gonna say this one more time. Time for you to remember who butters
your bread and why the Titans didn’t ship your sorry worn out body two years
ago. I used my charms and wiles to convince Mr. Reason and Coach Walton that
you were an integral of the team. If you left, they would lose the heart and
soul of the team. Of course, the pictures of us together were instrumental in
your continued employment.” She rolled over allowing me to stop from passing
out.
“Okay,
babe. I’m sorry. I don’t think I’ll ever figure you out.”
“Your
job is not to figure me out, it’s too keep playing ball for the Titans. I
believe when the new regime takes over, our business fortunes are going to
skyrocket. “
“How
so?”
“Leave
that to Charlene.”
Shit.
* *
*
“This
is Skip Hansen, reporting live from Love Field. It’s official. The new owner,
Reuben Weitzman has landed. I’ve asked for an exclusive interview with the
potential new owner. His staff was kind enough to allow me the first,
exclusive, on the site interview. That’s right folks, I get the first glimpse
and words from the man who will rebuild our dynasty and return us to ‘Grid Iron
Glory’!”
* *
*
“Charlene.
Is that the new owner standing behind blow-hard?”
“It
sure is. Looks like Skip’s about to be shut-up.”
“This
I want to watch.”
* *
*
“Mr.
Hansen, I presume?”
Hansen
whipped his head around.
“Who’s
asking?”
“The
man who you came to interview.”
Most
reporters would have lost their composure and soiled their pants; not Hansen.
He remained cool under fire.
“Yes,
sir. And I want to welcome you to our humble state. I have been telling my
viewers how they need to light up the New York lines, demanding the sale go
through.”
“How
kind of you. I’m sure your viewers will do exactly that.”
“Yes,
sir. They are extremely loyal. I can almost guarantee the boys in New York will
approve the deal post-haste.”
“Very
nice. Now, do you have any questions for me, or do you plan on continuing to
regale yourself?”
“Man!
Hansen was just told to fuck himself and he doesn’t even know it, babe.”
“Sure
did.”
“Can
you tell my viewers and fans what sweeping changes you’re going to implement?”
“No,
but I’ll tell the faithful Titan fans what I have in-store.”
“Damn,
babe. He did it again.”
“Yes,
he did. This one’s going to be fun to crack.”
“I
can’t go into specifics at this time. I’ve been following this team since it
was a dominant power in the 70’s. It pained me to see the franchise falling
from dominance. I don’t blame current Coach Osburn for all the team’s
short-comings. He and his staff drafted well, but when the top picks don’t pan
out or remain injured all the time, it’s difficult to put a winning product on
the field. As of today, I’m planning on keeping everyone in their positions.”
“My
sources indicated you were going to replace Coach Osburn with a fellow college
teammate.”
“Mr.
Hansen, I don’t deal in speculation. At this time, Coach Osburn will remain an
integral part of the team’s staff. I have no plans on wholesale changes at this
time. It would be detrimental and unproductive if I were to come in and release
one of the NFL’s top coaches. The man won two Super Bowls and countless NFC
Championship games. It would
serve a terrible injustice to ditch the man who endured the ‘Frigid Bowl’. No,
at this time, Coach Osburn has my one hundred percent backing.”
“Fair
enough, Mr. Weitzman. What about the quarterback situation. Jimmy Stone has one
of the lowest quarterback ratings the team has ever seen. Will you and your
staff go and a find a top rated quarterback in the draft? Based on my
evaluations, I believe there is an excellent crop available. In fact, if I were
you, I’d throw my chips on….”
“Excuse
me, Mr. Hansen. Is this my interview or yours? I seem to be confused.”
“Excuse
me?”
“Exactly.
You’re excused. In regards to personnel, I have no plans on wholesale changes.
I will meet with my staff and evaluate each and every player on their own
special merits and contributions to the team over the years. Now, if you’ll
excuse me, I have more important meetings to attend, where people actually
listen.” With that, Mr. Weitzman walked towards the waiting limousine, adorned
with Titan flags.
“Folks
you heard it first from Skip Hansen.” He motioned for his cameraman to stop
filming.
“Robert,
are we off the air?”
“Yep.”
“Good.
What an ass!”
“Yep,
boss.” Good thing he didn’t ask if I stopped the recorder.
Mr.
Weitzman looked back and waved at the Titan faithful. No one heard his words as
he waved, with a smile. “What an arrogant ass.”
* *
*
“Damn, honey.
Did that really happen? Did Weitzman just break it off in Skip?”
“Sure did,
honey. Sure did. Think I need to pay his cameraman Robert a visit.”
“Come on,
Charlene. Are you kidding me?”
“Jimmy, Jimmy,
Jimmy. Don’t worry your little head over things you don’t understand.”
“A cameraman?”
“You’d be
amazed at the dirt they can give a girl.”
Shit.
* *
*
Mr.
Weitzman walked in the war room of the Titans. The look on his face wasn’t
welcoming. He scanned the cramped room making sure his team was all present.
While the press was focused on him, none of them thought to camp out at Titan
Headquarters. His group was notified to arrive by 5:00am. To ensure the secret
was kept, he’d hired his own security force. They were given succinct
instructions concerning complete privacy. Any leaks would be dealt with
harshly. If a person’s name wasn’t on the list, they were not allowed
admittance—no exceptions!
“Gentlemen,
it is time to rebuild the organization from the ground up. Barton, I want you
to find a new place for our headquarters. Smith, I want you to look into
covering up the hole in the roof. Williams, I want you and Roberts to start
calling all the colleges about the top prospects. Any questions?”
“One
question.”
“Go
ahead, Coach Jankowski.”
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