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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Saw a post this morning on FB about the disease which took three very dear people I spent many wonderful days together, My partner, Larry Smith (1990), my father Ralph Dawson (2005) and my one true love Debbie Beck Larson. Not a day goes by I don't reflect back and remember all of the fond times I spent with these three. Most of the memories are fond, but yes, there are the sad ones that keep resurfacfing reminding me how much I really miss and loved them. Below is a poem I wrote about Debbie a few years ago. It is the opening for the book I wrote about our thirty year love. In those thrity years, Debbie and I spent only two years together. Year and a half in high school and her last seven months. So why is it a thirty year love affair? I never forgot her and once every ten years I would strike out ot find her.Love is worth a second chance.

Where Have You Gone?

I remember those care free days,

The girlish happy smile,

The days of high school,

Where only our love mattered.

The bus rides to the games and back,

Trips to the river bridge where our thoughts were one,

The nights filled of passion in the truck,

The moonlight dancing off our sweat covered bodies,

Where have you gone?

Our paths parted in a sea of tears,

The hurt, the pain of the past,

Always just under the surface,

A flash of sunlight, a familiar smile met with pain and hostility.

The smile vanishes, the pain and hurt boil up,

Yet the feelings of love never lost just suppressed,

Where have you gone?

A trip to Tulsa,

A business card in a mailbox,

A phone call two weeks later and the past awakens,

The smile, the pain, the hurt, the memories;

pour in like a raging river out of its' banks.

Is it worth the chance?

Is it worth opening the heart again?

Is it worth another trip to the unknown?

Where have you gone?

The smile is the same,

The feelings of love spring up,

The past is forgotten,

The present and future are all that matter,

Or is it?

Where have you gone?

Seven months of life together,

We laugh, we cry, we love,and we kiss,

Chasing children, sharing their lives,

Strawberry shake in the face,

Movies from a Galaxy long ago,

Steaks, chicken and seasonings,

grilled to perfection with love,

A snowball fight,

A walk in the white soft flakes,

A pause on the sidewalk,

We embrace, kiss long and deep

letting our bodies provide the warmth.

Where have you gone?

The diagnosis, it's back.

Consoling the daughters,

A call to the parents,

A call to the EMT'S,

The present and the future are slipping away.

Where have you gone?

The final hours of life,

Only the sounds of deep painful breathing.

The halls are silent,

Nothing but thoughts for thirty years circle.

The end is closing in,

The cancer is tracking its' deadly course.

Where have you gone?

A warm hand rubs a chest going cold,

The breathing has stopped.

The pain is flowing out of her face.

The Doctor comes in,

The verdict is quiet with compassion,

I'm so sorry, she's gone.

Where have you gone?

Life has come to a stop,

There is nothing that matters anymore.

A never forgotten love has been taken in the prime of life,

A bench in a cemetery with no one else around.

The tears pour uncontrollably,

We cry, “Where have you gone?”

A voice, soft and tender floats down,

I'm fine.”

Where have I gone?”

Where there is no pain, no sadness.

A place where the cancer has healed.

A place where mistakes of the past have been forgiven,

A place where I can look down to watch and help.

A place where only love resides,

The place?

"Heaven, that is where I have gone.”

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