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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Why did Everything Happen

It has been many tomorrows, and each day is better than the last. What happened at the cemetery on August 19th, 2009, was a revelation. Larry, Dad, and Debbie paid a visit and somewhere in the conversation they removed all of the grief that had completely engulfed the mind, body, and soul. They erased any and all questions about an afterlife. It does exist and it is a place of healing, guiding, and understanding. They are at peace and were able to share that.
And the bus driver? He had a huge smile on his face. He brought the bus to a stop, turned off the engine, and opened the door. We both got off. He looked us in the eyes and said, “Well done.”
He placed a warm, loving hand on the shoulder and allowed us to cry. The bus driver, our eternal father is going to console us as we have consoled our LOVED ONES.
Son, what has been so bad? Yes, there were business failures along the road. They had to happen. Yes, you lost those that you loved with all your heart. You provided them comfort in their times of need. You were there when it counted the most. So what is so bad? Are there any regrets?” What is there to say? It all made sense for the first time.
The failed marriage, the collapse of several business ventures, the passing of Larry, Dad, and Debbie. It all somehow made sense. Each financial and personal loss led to a spiritual rekindling. Slowly at first but with time it gained momentum, like the white stripes passing by faster. It was his plan - to call for a reawakening, to revise the business plan. His plan for one to recognize that love, compassion, and faith far outweighed the material and financial gains that so encompassed the original mortal plan. And really, who could have asked for a better plan. A plan that allows us to be where we are needed the most when it really matters and counts.

Why did Everything Happen?

Arrived at the cemetery around 7:00pm. Plenty of sunlight left so reading the names on headstones was easy. It has been twenty years since lying Larry to rest and would have to draw on memory as to his location. Came across many veterans of WWI, WWII, Korea, and Vietnam. Bowed the head and stood a minute to acknowledge their service and sacrifice for our country. Came across husbands and wives, daughters and sons. The one that really stood out was the young couple who had died within twenty-four hours of each other. What happened? Car accident, house fire, robbery gone bad? But no Larry. Walked the full length of each garden plot looking for a familiar landmark. No Larry.
Totally alone. Couldn’t find him, couldn’t help Debbie, lost in a sea of grief and pain, like a thousand daggers turning slowly in the heart, soul, and gut with each step taken. Tears flowed uncontrollably.
Turned and started walking back towards the truck. Each step more agonizing then the last. Kept looking back at the cemetery thinking that something has been overlooked or forgotten. There were a few other mourners about, but nothing else. Something is missing, but what? Was it the plaque that wasn’t quite able to make out or the scribed monument left unread? What is it?
Fifty yards from the truck there is a praying garden. There were five granite benches, with landscape rocks in a semicircle. It was a place to view those who had been cremated.
It isn’t time to go. There is still something here, something drew us here tonight. But what? Sat down on the first bench, lit a cigarette and continued crying. Called out to God, Larry, Dad, Debbie.
Why? Why has all of this happened?

Why did Everything Happen?

Little was known that the bus driver had another path chosen and it wasn't the “Grand Strategy” as laid out by a mere mortal. Looked at the bus driver for some type of recognition for the current accomplishments and successes, Nothing.
NOTHING! WHAT MORE IS THERE? STOP SHIFITING GEARS AND ANSWER! LOOK UP AND SAY SOMETHING! A nod of agreement. A smile of encouragement. What else is there to do? This is maddening, but so be it. We shall continue “OUR” course.
But there was something else. Unfinished business of the heart?
For thirty years sought out the one true love of life, my high school sweetheart, Debbie. I knew a woman like her would not stay single.
She would marry, raise a family and have a really good life. We all have loves in our lives, but Debbie was different. There is a song about faded memories, ribbons from her hair, torn faded photographs (I have both). Her memory never faded from the heart.
Her personality, smile, and infectious laughter made a lasting impression on all she came in contact with.
Our lives took different paths, yet we stayed in touch without seeing or talking to each other. Usually word of mouth, or a mutual friend would pass on a snippet through modern technology.
Early December 2008: was in Tulsa for Shawn’s fight (an aspiring kick boxer). Just being in Tulsa stirred the old feelings and curiosities about Debbie and her life. Talked to Shawn for around ten minutes about dropping off a business card at her parents’ house. His suggestion, “Quit being old and scared, and just do it.” It still took thirty minutes to leave the card in the mailbox. Felt like high school all over again.
Two weeks passed without a word. Resigned to the fact that either her parents had moved, she was married or in a relationship and would never hear from her again.

Why did Everything Happen

Spring 2004: With another failed venture on the horizon, foundations were being shaken again. That one word was resurfacing, “FAILURE”. Not again. Why is history repeating itself? Everything was in place. There is no sane explanation for what happened. Joined a church, lived right, took care of the kids, donated to charities. We did everything right this time! So why is this happening?
The bus driver just kept his eyes on the road. “This is maddening! Say something! Where are we going? Get off this road now!” No response. A shift of the gears. The white stripes are flying by faster. There is no place to pull over and stop. STOP! PLEASE STOP! THIS ISN'T THE PATH WE WANT!

Why did Everything Happen?

In the summer of ‘89, Larry started experiencing abdominal pain and cramps. The doctors were stumped. The pain was increasing with each month. The problem was finally identified. Larry has colon cancer and surgery is a must. He would have the surgery in December and then we would reevaluate his ability to come back to work.
The surgery was a success. Everything looked great. The cancer was gone. His pain was gone. A few months later it was time for his check up. Devastating news. Larry has inoperable liver cancer. He had maybe four months to live. Couldn't let him wither on the vine and just die. We agreed that as long as he could drive, he had a job.
He worked until the end of June. He was slowly losing his strength and weight. He looked up while setting forms one day and said, “Jeff, I just can't do it anymore. It's time.” Those words were crushing. Why Larry? What had he done to deserve this? I was not very happy with the almighty. Larry passed in August. The bus driver smiled.
The company continued to grow and prosper. I was running on auto-pilot and never realized it. Some other force was driving the company. There was something on the horizon that couldn't be identified.

Monday, July 4, 2011


For those who have and are still serving;

So young,
So full of life.
Their dreams would have to wait.
They took up arms when called.
They vowed to protect the innocent.
They promised to return.
They never looked back.
For God, Country, Flag and Family,
they marched off.
They filled the depots with excitement and awe,
Many had never left home.
They did not shirk a duty.
They embraced it with the gusto of youth.
The training was hard,
but they nary complained.
They had been called and would not fail.
Righteousness and justice would be served.
Steamers, transports, and planes departed
to destinations foreign and unknown.
Did they tremble? No.
Did they fear the unknown? No.
Their mission was for freedom from oppression.
Their youth would bring order to the world.
It was time to right wrongs.
It was time to free the down-trodden.
Belleau Wood, Flanders, Bastogne, Guadalcanal.
The names are so strange yet not a complaint is filed.
Normandy, Tarawa, Iwo Jima.
With gusto and grit they fought on.
Caen, Kabul, Baghdad, Tunisia, Metz and Arnhem
They fought on.
Too many friends were dying or maimed.
The sound of shells and bullets were frightening.
Never knowing when one might pass struck no fear.
The mission must be accomplished.
They fought on.
Okinawa, Burma, Bunker Hill, and Charleston.
Saigon, The Iron Triangle, Kason The endless Deltas.
The message the same.
Right the wrongs and don't stop til the deed is done.
How many have died? Too many!
How many have been freed? Not enough!
How much longer? Til the job is done.
They fought on. Freedom will reign.
Tokyo, Berlin, Rome, The Somme.
They fought, they bleed and died,
All in the name of freedom.
The smoke has cleared.
The losses are tallied.
The camps are empty.
White crosses mark the path of youth lost.
The survivors wonder why?
Why did Joe and Bill die so young?
Why did I live?
Why me?
For Freedom.
To remember the past.
To remind generations to come the price of liberty.
The thought provides minor comfort.
They survey the battlefields and remember.
The long cold nights,
The days filled with rain,
Endless guard duty,
Mess kits filled with mush.
A smile creeps across a grizzled hardened face,
Freedom, that is why we came,
Liberty, is why we fought.
Justice has been served.
A last salute to the fallen but not forgotten.
The men and women who have given all.
The veterans of the United States Military.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Here is a small blurb from the new book "Occupation"

This is a completely differenct genere for myself. The idea came from the sweet woman who helps take care of mom. She suggested I write a love story about WWII. No way. Already done with "Enemy at the Gates." Sorry, but a love story in Stalingrad in January. NO! But the idea was intriging. What with the Vampire craze sweeping the nation I came up with an idea of warring vampire clans uniting and taking on the Third Reich. Time will tell how it works out. The following blurb occurs when the clans are melding.

Svetlana could take it no more. Her change was complete. She gripped Nikoli’s hand hard in an effort to break it as she attempted to lunge onto the bed and stop this insanity. Her action was received with a massive blow to her jaw. She could feel herself being lifted off of the ground and propelled through the air. Her mind numbed as her figure slammed hard into the stone wall. Nothing but darkness enveloped her mind. Her tongue detected a disturbing find; one of the incisors had been loosened from the blow. Nikoli stood over the body and let out an approving yell. You could almost detect the human laugh in his cry.

All of the other participants had completely transformed. The air was heavy with a harsh heavy feeling. All of the oxygen in the room was being devoured. Oxygen didn’t’ matter, when completely changed it wasn’t necessary for them to survive. It could be stored in their bodies as camels store water. They howled and snarled at each other; neither approving nor disapproving of the actions they were witnessing.

The body of Dmitri pulsed and pulled hard on Nichole’s figure. His movements were rough and hard. She did not pull away only bit deeper into his toned hard shoulder. Blood and sweat covered her mouth. She sucked and licked the open wound she had produced. He pulled her harder and harder. His body was building up a fluid he didn’t identify; he only knew it would have to be expelled into his mate.

Copyright © 2011 by: LDDJ Enterprises Publishing

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof
in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,
recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing
from the author. All inquiries should be addressed to LDDJ Enterprises Publishing, 704 South Houston,Kaufman, Texas 75142.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Great news

Love's True Second Chance will be featrued on cheap reads tomorrow. iF you get a chance stop by and hit. The book is also being featured on Jamie Guli's site. If you get a chance check it out.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Why did Everything Happen

Trying something a little different. I have attached the link for the music. Turn it on while reading this excerpt. Think you will like it. It really does shoe the state of mind I was struggling with back in 95.

Part I: Larry

Fall, 1995: All the children have gone to Kansas. The company is dying a slow death. There is no one to turn to. No one comes over. The house is empty. Loneliness and despair are too heavy a burden to bear. There is nothing to live for. Failure is the only word that provides comfort. The only way out is suicide. It would be so easy, so easy to do . . . There is nothing to offer anyone. Yet, there is one question. What would the children think?

Monday, June 6, 2011

I re-united with my high school sweetheart in Jan of 2009. She was on the tail end of cancer treatments.
I was torn with pursuing our relationship. Dad had passed just four years ago from cancer. I found myself outside one night looking up to the sky and asking dad how this would turn out. Answer, "Son she will be fine," and he was gone. Debbie and I had a wonderful seven months together. I laid her to rest in July. As I recovered from her loss, I found myself sitting at the cemetery asking why? I heard dad again, " Son, told you she would be fine." And with that Debbie joined the discussion. "Jeff, you did everything your were supposed to. Thank you taking care of me. Please look after my girls. Jeff, I love you," and they were gone.

Writing about our love and loss was very healing. I know that when and if I really need them, they stop by and check in.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Has any reunited with a high school sweetheart and then lost them to the ravages of cancer

Have you ever loved with all of your heart and soul? Did you ever completely give yourself to someone asking nothing in return other than to spend the hours with them? Have you or someone you know lost a loved one to breast cancer? Are you still hurting from the pain and the void left behind? Did we do everything in our power to help them fight? Yes, we did everything we could.

New at the game

Good morning all. New to this game. I have written two books about healing and surving the worst life can dish out. check them out when you get a chance. "Why did Everything Happen" and "Love's True Second Chance."